Drunk Writing: Why Other Countries Laugh at Us

Even though we are the best (!!!!), we may do well to learn a thing or two from the older kids.

This rant is really in rant-form... all over the place, without prepared points and arguments. This isn’t a debate for crying out loud.

The US is the butt of so many of my own jokes.

VIA pandce.proboards.com

VIA pandce.proboards.com

How can that be? The United States is the single greatest country on earth!!!! It is the only country with running water, no corruption and functional education systems....

Believe it or not, other countries have plenty to laugh about. Starting with our big head. We think so much of ourselves, we even refer to the USofA as America. When in fact, we are only a single country in North America. We are so fat and happy that we cannot see the other countries lying at our feet under our big bellies.

I laugh at myself as an United States citizen because of my real lack of education about other countries. I know that it must be possible to learn your own history as well as others, because literally every other leading country seems to be more than capable of doing so. We never laugh at them because we don’t understand what their country is built on or how their country functions. They laugh at us because they know every intimate detail about the US and have no problem calling us on our shit.

But truly, from an outside perspective, I think Americans have two main problems. We have trouble realizing and admitting our own mistakes. And we see the world through the clouded lens of double standards.

TLC/ VIA weheartit.com

TLC/ VIA weheartit.com

Make that three main problems. 

Living in a country with a very tumultuous past, I have learned of the noteworthiness that comes with owning up to your own mistakes and the commitment to be more than them. Instead of sweeping past blunders under the rug and averting eyes, there are countries who apologize, move onwards, and move upwards. I think other countries laugh at our inability to do this because it perfectly lives up to our position as the immature kid brother. We are a young country, we don’t have much in the way of history, but there have definitely been some oversights made at the hands of our leaders. Even though we are the best (!!!!), we may do well to learn a thing or two from the older kids.

The United States wants to continue to hold the title as “World’s Elite.” However, when you claim such status, it comes with a great global responsibility. Let me put it in terms we can all understand: We are the Britney Spears of the world. She wants celebrity status and she worked hard at a young age to get into the spotlight. All eyes are on her and as soon as she makes a mistake, it is magnified and she is overly criticized… but that is what she asked for with celebrity status. The United States wants to be the best, we want to be Number 1, the most elite, but we don’t want others to scrutinize our actions. We should uphold our position of fame and set the example.

We tend to point fingers instead and shy away from the global responsibility that we asked for. If we want to be the world leader then we have to behave like a leader. Other countries laugh at us because we are taking on responsibilities that we cannot take care of, that we cannot see through. And what’s worse, is that we point the blame at someone else. We blame our marriage or our manager or whoever the people of Hollywood blame for their discrepancies. It all comes back around to our inability to face our own short-comings and be better because of them.

I don’t hate the US. I just wish I could be the life coach they hire to sort out their life and offer support and consultation.

I really wanted this to be funny. I thought it would be light and breezy and everyone would have a chuckle, but even as I read back through this, I start to become defensive and heated. And this is why I don’t drink whiskey before going out. No one needs to hear me have heated political discussions with myself.  

Feature photo by Cody Maldonado, @cxdy_david