An Open Letter to My Period

Dear Period,

Louis C.K./ VIA Tumblr

Louis C.K./ VIA Tumblr

Ok. Now that we got that outta the way.

I never know how to greet you because you visit whenever you feel like it. I downloaded an app, approved by most periods, that helps me to get the house ready for your visit. But you just show up whenever you damn well please.

Prepping for you is not an easy task, even when I know you're going to come. I have to purchase items of varying absorbency when you come, never knowing which you'll want to use. Often times, I’m wrong, and you increase my laundry yield exponentially. I have to apologize to my cat and my husband beforehand about your arrival because it overwhelms me and makes me angry at them, and the whole time you're the unwelcome entity. I have to take one kind of medicine because you hurt me and another because your existence makes me want to eat lots of horrible things, especially gas-inducing, sodium-rich Mexican food. And yet, despite everything, I welcome you into my nether regions, a place only a handful of people have been allowed to visit. Why do I cater to you so?

My doctor expects you to visit me monthly and is pleased when you do. My husband understands and respects you have a compulsive need to visit me, but never wants to have a three-way with us. My female friends and relatives love talking in great detail about your trips to see them, while secretly wishing you'd visit someone else. My male friends like to pretend you don't exist and treat your name like Lord Voldemort's.

 

New Girl/ Fox VIA riffsy.com

New Girl/ Fox VIA riffsy.com

It always seems like your visits are just the last thing I need, yet they mean so much to me. You slough lining filled with eggs that my husband successfully did not fertilize. You remind me of how much responsibility there is in having sex and creating children. You're a reliable reminder and a sign of relief—I didn't completely screw up my life plans in the past three weeks, my reproductive system is acting normal. And most importantly, you give this nice person you inhabit the chance to be unabashedly bitchy for a week. Despite everything, you make me feel like a natural woman. Period. 

 

FEATURE PHOTO BY MANU CAMARGO VIA UNSPLASH