Dear Boys: Shut Up About Our Shorts

Who’s wearing the pants here? Seriously. It’s not you. 

Flabbergasted. Flabbergasted is how I feel when dick dudes look down upon the almighty high-waisted bottom. (I realize high-waisted bottoms are not the most talked about fashion trend right now—see rompers and crop tops—but they’re never going away again so let’s deal with it.) I’ve had countless male friends and family members tell me that they are NOT a fan of high-waisted shorts or pants on women. Well, guess what…I’m not a fan of YOU (I’m talking to you Total Frat Move). Why should we care what men think about what we wear? Men don’t appear to care that some women dislike sagging pants and cargo pants. So we shouldn’t have to care either.

We’re grown-ass women, and we’ll wear what we damn well please. Would you rip high-waisted shorts off of Beyonce in disgust? WOULD YOU? I didn’t think so.

"Go ahead, I'd like to see you try"              Photo:

"Go ahead, I'd like to see you try"              Photo:

What do you guys have against high-waisted bottoms anyway? Is it the fact that they make some of us feel sexy? Do you know how hard it is for a woman to feel sexy? It’s fucking HARD. Harder than giving birth (at least I imagine so). Harder than resisting french fries. And you know what? If we feel sexy, that means we’re feeling confident. And how many times have I read that a confident woman is the biggest turn-on for men? Simply put, high-waisted jeans are really comfortable (mostly) and help us celebrate the curves that we do have. They’re kind of like comfy corsets that don’t displace our organs.

And as such, they hold in our gut. Our other option is low-riding jeans, which are tight and pinchy and leave us with a bit of a muffin top. We don’t want to sit around feeling like sir-tubs-a-lot. We want to wear the clothes that WE want to wear—not clothes that put us in our own criticizing heads. With high-waisted shorts, we’re going to leave the house thinking “DAYUUM. I feel goo0oo0od” which means we can be present in the moment instead of in our heads. So, I say who cares what you think? I’m going to throw on a pair of high-waisted shorts, a crop top (don’t even get me started on crop tops), and head out the door with confidence.


ABC/ Via

ABC/ Via

You beings with the peen can keep your trap shut about these so-called “mom jeans that got rid of the booty.” I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen my mom wear these, not even in old pictures. Instead of commenting on what we are wearing, maybe you should try participating in an intelligent conversation with us. You know, that whole “like us for who we are, not what we wear” thing. (If you do, you might be able to get us out of the high-waisted bottoms you seem to hate so much!)

I’m going to back off the hostility for a second to admit that we don’t always love high-waisted bottoms either, but our reasoning has nothing to do with you. Some days, we’re going to eat a little too much ice cream and high-waisted bottoms become the devil incarnate. Not only do they cut off our circulation, and leave an irritating imprint on our stomachs, but they also prevent us from eating more ice cream. The bastards! Some days, we’re going to die because a particular pair gives us a non-curable wedgie. Some days, we’d trade them in for pants with an elastic waist or no pants at all (dresses and skirts, get your pervy heads out of the gutter). But the thing is, it’s OUR choice to decide whether we want to wear high-waisted bottoms or not. Besides, the girl makes the clothes—not the other way around.

Now, I know there are some women that do not like high-waisted shorts AT ALL. And I totally respect that because I certainly don’t speak for all women. All women should be free to wear what makes them feel comfortable, and high-waisted bottoms may not be the answer for everyone. Pants or no pants, my point is that women should only have to make an effort to dress for themselves.

Feature photo by Camila Demásio/ VIA