Netflix and Chill: The Do's and Don'ts

Netflix and Chill has permeated mainstream society and become a widely accepted moniker for the simultaneously laziest/most physically active date ever: turn on Netflix, decide on a flick or show, lay down on the couch, and get frisky. When it’s that easy, it’s the perfect night for any day of the week.

Look familiar? Only, with people. (Photo courtesy of MyNameIsGigi.com)

Look familiar? Only, with people. (Photo courtesy of MyNameIsGigi.com)

However, many people don’t realize it’s not for everybody.

Here are some instances where Netflix and Chill might not be the best idea:

  1. It is the first date. (I mean come on, have we really become too American for our own good? Get some friggin flowers at least!)
  2. It is the first date, and at least one of you is seeking a meaningful relationship.
  3. You don’t know what the moniker means and therefore are not consenting to sexual activity. (You should be good to go after this article though!)
  4. Neither of you have had sex before, unless you both agree on a movie that will turn you on. (Recommendations: Vicky Cristina BarcelonaThe Dreamers, maybe Black Swan?)
  5. The movie is worth watching. (Especially because it’s leaving Netflix next week!)
  6. You are not physically attracted to your date.

If none of these above criteria apply to you and you choose to go through with Netflix and Chilling, be prepared for some initial awkwardness, but your date should go relatively smoothly. Follow these guidelines, though, and you may very well experience the most noteworthy movie date of your life.

DO NOT:

  1. Eat before you start the Chill part. Food, however perfect it may be, could cause a lot of problems: popcorn kernels stuck between teeth, onion breath, Dorito fingers leaving stains all over you, the resonance of liquid swishing back and forth in your date’s stomach, a burp during French kissing. Convinced?
  2. Expect a phone call after the date. They may not be that into you, and the N&C formula is frequently utilized by casual daters rather than those in search of a LTR.
  3. Comment on the other person’s weight, even indirectly. (i.e. “The couch isn’t big enough for the both of us...I’m sorry. I wasn’t saying you were fat.”)
  4. Assume your date knows how to Chill. They may need some help or encouragement.
  5. Use the formula as a way to plan a sneak attack threesome. Seems like a no-brainer, but  a friend of mine disclosed to me that she was invited to Netflix and Chill with a male barista from Starbucks. (A man who can make milk foam has to have some awesome sex tricks up his sleeve, right?) The night started off with one of his homemade coffee concoctions, her name emblazoned in foam across the liquid’s surface. She said it felt like getting the most personalized customer service at Starbucks. He even called out her name, jokingly. They chuckled. He decided to stick with a food theme for the night and surprised her with her favorite movie, Chocolat. They sat on the couch and started watching, holding hands, and she was halfway through her coffee. He leaned over to whisper something in her ear, placed his finger in her coffee, and began stirring it. He whispered, “My girlfriend’s been hiding in the pantry all this time, and she’s getting antsy. Wanna take all this upstairs?” My friend flipped out, smacked him, and raced home. She quit her job at Starbucks and now drinks only tea.
Not pictured: sexual manipulation and misconduct. (Photo courtesy of Flickr)

Not pictured: sexual manipulation and misconduct. (Photo courtesy of Flickr)

For a more successful date night, do the following:

  1. Get some food together after the movie. You both deserve a treat for a successful sexcapade.
  2. Bring prophylactics. Hundreds of thousands of children are in U.S. foster care.
  3. Clean your space if you are hosting. Think about how dangerous an obstacle course your house can become during sex if you don’t put your stuff away. I’ve done it on top of textbooks and spilled food because I didn’t have the foresight to tidy up. So, date night went well, but I got injured and had extra laundry to do.
  4. Assess if they’re shy about physical activity. If they are, try to watch a movie that forces you to touch one another (I like to call this method “Netflix and Thrill”). Examples include horror flicks, thrillers, action movies, and sci-fi. One of you is bound to jump into the other’s arms or grab a hand. Sex will smoothly follow.
  5. Have a post-match gab sesh in which you fondly remember the disgraceful events of just moments before. Be sure to compliment your date on a certain body part or technique they used. Date #2 will be a shoo-in, and you’ll have given them an idea of what you do and don’t like in the bedroom. Everyone wins!
  6. Share your snacks. You never know what a Reece’s Cup might get you.

Feature photo VIA Splitshire.