Your Move

“He’s staring right at you.”

Your eyes dart across the bar to the other end. Sitting on the far side is a well dressed man with windswept hair and a chiseled chin to rival the gods. Your friend was right– he's looking right at you.

“Maybe he’s looking behind me,” you question, turning your head a bit, scanning the crowd for any signs of good-looking women.

“You kidding? He’s been watching you all night. Go say something to him!”

“I don’t know. I’ll probably embarrass myself. If he wanted to talk to me, he’d come up and say hi. And he hasn’t. So, whatever, I guess.”

Stop me if you heard this story before.

You have, right? It’s usually playing most nights at a local bar near you. It’s a story I don’t think anyone is particularly fond of, yet for some odd reason, seems to happen all the time.

What exactly causes these dreaded scenarios, where both parties end up leaving the bar unhappy? Clearly, in the story above, both of our bar goers seemed interested in each other. So what happened?

Well, a few things.

The first, and probably most obvious, is the fear of rejection. It’s something that’s present in both men and women – a kind of dark beast that prowls the back of your mind, making you second guess every move you’re about to make. I mean, let’s face it. Getting rejected hurts. A lot. It’s a low blow to the gut, and nobody wants to find him or herself in that position. Hence, why you see so many “stalemates” during situations like these. Both parties are afraid to make the first move, and in the end, no moves are made at all. A potential match made in heaven doesn’t even get off the runway.

There’s another problem. It’s ingrained into our culture that it’s usually up to the guy to make the first move. It’s been like that since, well, pretty much always. But it doesn’t have to be.

Let me let you in on a little guy secret. It shouldn’t really come as a surprise to you, but I’ll share it anyway. Guys like when girls make the first move. In fact, I’d go so far as to say some guys love when girls make the first move.

It’s a major boost of confidence to our self-esteem, sure, but it also shows us what kind of girl you are. You’re not afraid of rejection. You’re not afraid to be turned down. You’re a girl who goes out there and gets what she wants.

To most of us, that’s the hottest kind of girl there is.

FEATURE PHOTO BY PRISCILLA WESTRA VIA UNSPLASH