11 Reasons Why List Articles Are The Worst

Listicles are ruining the Internet and our lives.

1. People are losing the ability to read.

You probably just nodded and jumped to number two, and even if you’re still here, you don’t actually care about what I’m saying, you’re just skimming through to find the periods crispy bacon is the best. (<-whoop there it is)

2.  They are creating problems in your life.

Your dorm, your major, your exercise habits, your sex life, they can all be improved. But actually, how can you live with yourself when there are 14 Ways You’re Boiling Water Wrong?  

3. They tell you what to do.

23 Things You Should NEVER Do To An Introvert? Don’t make them the center of attention. Don’t look them in the eye. Don’t touch them without letting them sniff your hand first. God help you if you don’t listen.

4. Buzzfeed is not the only website writing lists anymore.

It’s now the format of choice for bloggers and even some writers. And if you’re trying to get published, you might even find yourself writing one……………………..

5. The word “listicle.”

Vaguely sexual and annoyingly appropriate.

6. Welcome to the gifpocalypse.

A picture may be worth 1000 words, but copying and pasting a looped video of Ariana Grande licking doughnuts does not in fact explain why New Zealand is Really Your Homeland. Use your words.

7. They’re waaaaaayyyyy too long.  

No one needs to endlessly scroll through 37 Reasons You’re Actually An Aries.  There’s one reason: your birthday.  

8. After a certain point, they’re just inaccurate

I don’t care how ugly she looks or how cute it is, Kim K does not look like that hamster.

9. Some of them are downright pointless.

6 Life Hacks That Will Totally Change The Way You See Orangutans…

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10. They are bound to become irrelevant.

List articles are to the Internet as the winner of American Idol Season 15 is to the music industry. Or rather, listicles are going to die a slow, painful death as they are forgotten by the masses in a matter of months once something better comes along and they will fade into oblivion until one day VH1 Makes an I LOVE THE 2010’s edition and those people who still watch VH1 will get really excited and turn to their kids and say “those things used to be so funny and entertaining” and then everyone in the room will be like “you’re so old Steve” and then you’ll peer down at your worn, creased hands and realize you are in fact as obsolete as listicles themselves.

11. They make the same points over and over again. 

These lists just go on and on and on, returning to the same puddle-deep gags.  It’s like when someone repeats a joke over and over again until it’s so not funny you want to slap them in the face. 

Like this:

  Rupaul's Drag Race/ VIA gifamania.tumblr.com

Rupaul's Drag Race/ VIA gifamania.tumblr.com

Or this:

sometimes you think you could be classy about it:

  Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon/ NBC/ VIA Tumblr.

Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon/ NBC/ VIA Tumblr.

but more often you just want to let loose:

and in reality you end up doing this instead:

  Star Trek/ Justin Lin/ VIA karmadecay.com

Star Trek/ Justin Lin/ VIA karmadecay.com

until you don’t even know what happened:

  heyblockhead/ VIA Tumblr.

heyblockhead/ VIA Tumblr.

and you forget why you were so angry in the first place:

  VIA amyoops.com

VIA amyoops.com

but then you see another listicle:

  VIA funnyjunk.com

VIA funnyjunk.com

and can’t hold back anymore:

  The Great Gatsby/ VIA thesmartupcouch.com

The Great Gatsby/ VIA thesmartupcouch.com

you throw down:

  WWE/ VIA dailywrestlingnews.com

WWE/ VIA dailywrestlingnews.com

And don’t even get me started on those quizzes.

Feature photo by Stuart Richards/ VIA Flickr.