Makeup for Hot Messes

Ever look at makeup advertisements and think, as if the models weren’t wearing layers and layers of falsies already, “Yeah, longer lashes would be nice but do I really want them described as explosive? What about mascara that just makes these little stubby guys look like part of eyes?”

Or how about ads that promise to eliminate every wrinkle and line on your face so you look like a pore-less, one-dimensional mask of a person? Don’t get me wrong—I love makeup and of course generally want to look my best, but my major concern isn’t if my hairspray is going to hold up through a hurricane. I'm more concerned if my dry shampoo will smooth over my rather lackadaisical weekend hair routine. And I'd like some lipstick that will last through unlimited brunch (hello mimosas). Unrealistic beauty advertisements promise a world where your makeup will look photo shoot (and Photoshop) ready 24/7. How about some real advertisements that busy, professional, young women can really relate to? Pretty please?

Lipstick that leaves an Insta-worthy stain on your Starbucks cup AND your lips.

Stila Slay All Day Liquid Lipstick, $24.00. VIA lifeisshortbuythemakeup.blogspot.com

Stila Slay All Day Liquid Lipstick, $24.00. VIA lifeisshortbuythemakeup.blogspot.com

Foundation that doesn’t completely melt off your face when stepping into the pits of hell that is the humid subway station.

Clinique Stay Matte, $24.00. Shown in Clove. VIA clinique.com

Clinique Stay Matte, $24.00. Shown in Clove. VIA clinique.com

Concealer that hides that you treated yesterday’s happy hour like your 21st birthday all over again.

Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Dark Circle Eraser, $8.99. VIA amazon.com

Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Dark Circle Eraser, $8.99. VIA amazon.com

Nail polish that doesn’t take three hours to dry and still smudge on your rumpled sheets come morning. 

CND Vinylux, $5.24. VIA cnd.com

CND Vinylux, $5.24. VIA cnd.com

Eyeliner that doesn’t wipe off on your eyelids during your daily sweat sesh from the subway to your office, rendering your hours practiced cat-eye useless.

L’Oreal Infallible The Super Slim Liquid Eyeliner, $8.99. VIA canadianfashionista.net

L’Oreal Infallible The Super Slim Liquid Eyeliner, $8.99. VIA canadianfashionista.net

Highlighter that lifts your cheekbones towards the heavens, rather than making you look like a shimmering wanna-be Edward Cullen.  

Laura Mercier Face Illuminator Powder, $44. VIA temptalia.com.

Laura Mercier Face Illuminator Powder, $44. VIA temptalia.com.

Feature photo VIA Unsplash.com

Morgan Ratner