V-Day All Day Erryday

As women, we are stereotypically prone to get excited about big events. Weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine’s Day.

I am no exception to this rule, and in the short time I have been dating someone (he’s super cute, by the way), I have found myself looking forward to celebrating anything and everything with him—but not so much February 14th. An entire day dedicated to celebrating love is sweet in theory, but as for the actual day, too many expectations and demands come in tow for me to really enjoy it.

I'm not saying that people shouldn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day or do something nice for their significant others. I am saying that we probably need to check our expectations at the door and remember that there is more to life than chocolates and roses. Whenever I hear someone talking about this holiday, it almost always involves both eavesdropping and the words “he better.” “He better take me out,” or “he better buy me flowers.” There’s nothing inherently wrong with desiring these things, but it’s this kind of attitude that makes those desires toxic. I know isn’t just women that fall prey to this bad attitude, but since I am a woman (hear me roar!) and a college student, I hear and see it more often in the female population.

But this attitude problem isn’t the only reason I don’t get all heart-eyed over Valentine’s Day. It’s a holiday centered on showing affection to our significant others, when we should show affection to them everyday. I know that’s hard to do, and V-day makes it easy because it’s the one day of the year that you’ve got 7 billion people expecting it from you.

Part of what makes loving each other harder to do on a day-to-day basis is that sometimes our partners don’t receive love in the same way that we do. So they might think they are pouring out to you—and they actually are!—but not in a meaningful way for you. If your bae isn’t good at giving gifts to give love, but receiving gifts is how you receive love, talk to them and lay out your V-day (and average day) desires. Hear them lay out theirs. And most importantly, let them know that you’re willing to give and receive love like that everyday. Because, after all, what’s more important in a relationship than communication, amirite?

There are five love languages: gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. Since he knows my love language is words of affirmation, my guy can make sure that he’s affirming me and loving me in a way that I can receive and appreciate. His love language happens to be quality time, so I make sure I block off time for us to spend together so that he can feel appreciated and loved. It might not seem important to know this, but trust me, it makes loving him well so much easier.

Just like you have strengths and weaknesses, so does your boo-thang! Instead of demanding and dictating what they do for you, appreciate what their V-day plan already is or tell them kindly that you would like to do something else. And don’t forget to do something sweet for them as well. You can’t pour out love if you aren’t receiving it. 

With this in mind, go out and have an amazing time with your partner! Appreciate who they are and what they mean to you. But remember: you love them everyday, not just on February 14th—so act like it.

Feature photo by Jeremy Cai via Unsplash