BossBitch: CrushingCoworker

I love you I MEAN DO YOU HAVE THE STAPLER.

Dear BossBitch,

Help help help help. I have a thing for my coworker. We click like crazy. She’s adorable. And I want to date her so hard. Is this absolutely crazy? I don’t like a lot of people. But I like her. And I think she likes me. We’re the only gay women in the office and I don’t want to fuel the gossip fire. Or let my idiot coworkers think that we’re only dating because we’re the only lesbians in the office. They’re seriously so dumb. What should I do? I really really dislike most people. Ugh!

Dear CrushingCoworker,

ILLUSTRATIONS BY MEAGAN GUILD

ILLUSTRATIONS BY MEAGAN GUILD

First things first, you care WAY too much what those dumb-dumbs think. I can’t stress how much they don’t matter (unless they hold your job in their hands, then they do matter. But not if they have a problem with your lesbiawesomeness, then they don’t matter again.). If they think you’re only dating because you happen to be the only lesbians, well then they’ve clearly been lobotomized and it’s not your job to deal with the after effects of that. Seriously, has anyone thought all gay people are attracted to all other gay people since like the 90s? The 1890s. I’ll answer for you. NO.

Okay, second part of your question. Dating in the office is…not as much fun as it sounds. There are good and bad things. Because, of course there are. Adult life is hard. So let’s do this the old-fashioned way. Time for a Pro/Con list, NERDS!

Bad news first.

 

Cons:

Working with someone who’s mouth has been on your mouth can be difficult. Especially at first, when all you can think about is putting your mouth on their mouth again. (Just me? Okay.) You are always with them. Seriously, always. There’s never time to miss them. And nosy people want to know all your business. It sounds like your coworkers are the exact kind of jagweeds who think they should have an all-access pass to your love life. Not to mention the ultimate con, the potential break up. I assume you know the perils of that. So let’s not harp on it.

Onward, to the good news!

Pros:

You’re grown ups; so I assume you can keep it in your pants from 9 to 5 and save that energy for at-home time. Bored at work? Look at your hot lady and think about that for a few minutes (and then get back to work, eventually). You get lots of time together. (I guess people see this as a pro, more power to them.) You already have a great deal in common and things to talk about.

Okay, I think there’s a clear winner. Sorry, kid. But TV sitcoms tell me that coworkers who like each other end up as soul mates. The Office, Parks and Rec, Scrubs, Cheers, The Nanny, X Files, I Dream of Jeannie (I guess), all include workplace soul mates. I say wait it out. If it passes then no harm no foul. If it sticks around, do something. Hot, funny, smart people that aren’t actively deplorable are hard to find. Get yours.

BossBitch